Manners/Ethics
Author Unknown

The so-called "joke" about Pagan Standard Time is anything but. It is an excuse to be thoughtless with other people's time. Don't get into the habit. Also, if you can't come at a planned time, call a day or two beforehand, if possible. It also wastes other's time if they wait for someone who isn't coming.

Be courteous of other people's homes... How many times have you had a group of Pagans over for an evening only to find that you have been left with their mess once they've left? This is inexcusable. Please have the foresight to plan clean-up into your allotted visiting time.

Don't take advantage of other's hospitality... Pagans are, for the most part, very giving people. Do accept this but don't overdo it. Shelter, meals and essentials are given with caring and concern, it is only proper to return this caring by not becoming a burden. Very few Pagans will confront a clinger, so be aware of it yourself.

Please don't ask to borrow personal items (including books)... This puts the person asked in a very uncomfortable situation -- they are uncomfortable with loaning the item, but are equally so with saying "no." If they offer to loan it, be sure to treat it with respect and return it on time. If they don't offer, ask where they got it. Usually, they will help you attain one of your own.

Keep your word... This is so important that it is contained in the Ordains of many traditions. Many Pagans will judge you by how well you keep your word. If you can't afford to be held to it, don't say it.

Silence is golden... Revealing names and/or locations of Pagans, Witches or Covens can be dangerous. Believe it or not, there are still those who would prefer to see us dead. Gossip falls under this category, too. Don't do it. It can damage many lives and makes you look bad.

Offers of help are always welcome... Call before your visit to see if you can bring anything. If you're told "no," bring soft drinks anyway. Pepsi or Coke will always be a winner!

CIRCLE ETIQUETTE

Open circles are becoming common practice and, while many see it as a loss of our mysteries, others see it as a coming out into the light. Whichever end of the argument you fall upon, you must admit that circle "rules" are not very obtainable for the neophyte. The following points range from the serious to the humorous, so kindly bear with me.

Follow the leader... When proceeding to the ritual area, follow your sponsor. That way, you will enter in the correct place and walk in the correct direction (Deosil). If you don't have a sponsor, pay close attention to the other participants. Sometimes you may be asked to move the other way (Widdershins), but do this only if asked. Don't enter the circle area anywhere other than the prescribed "gateway." Ideally, someone should be available to the newcomers to explain all of this, but it's not always so.

Be quiet... Silence is important to the ritual mindset. Many people are meditating on the words and actions to come. The last thing they need is someone whispering to a pal about "the sexy redhead in the purple robe" or "what kind of incense is that?" Be aware that this is, in many ways, just like the Church service you used to go to. Remember what your parents told you then -- "Quiet!"? It holds true here.

Hands off... Items on the altar are off limits for several reasons. First of all, they are not yours; it's only polite to have permission before fondling someone's Athame. Secondly, these items are usually "charged;" used over and over for ritual by which they gain power with each use. You may disrupt this energy or drop the tool and break it. If you really need to see something up close, ask the facilitators after the circle. They may let you inspect it then but if they don't, it's nothing personal.

No smoking... Cigarettes are a no-no in the circle. They should not be smoked in the ritual area even when it is empty – some people feel that the smoke is anathema to the energy raised there. There is usually a designated smoking area. Ask where it is.

Keep it straight... Never come to a circle in an intoxicated condition. This includes drugs both prescribed and recreational. Any drug can adversely affect your ability to raise energy, let alone function within a group. Some groups may include drugs, including alcohol, in a specific ritual. It is their responsibility to inform all participants of this and make other options available.

Keep it moving... Sometimes, a ritual will include an activity for each person to do. It may be passing a scrying ball, asking for an affirmation or taking something from a bowl. I have stood in many a cold night waiting for my turn. And waiting. And waiting. If something like this is a part of the ritual, keep in mind the other people after you.

The drink's the thing... When the cup is passed to you, take a small sip. Don't backwash. If you're ill, pass it on untouched.

Singing in the Circle... If you are new, many of the songs and chants will be new, too. Don't worry about it, you'll pick them up. Go ahead and hum if you can't pick up the words. Ask about the songs after circle. Someone will always be willing to teach you.

We do it for you... The people who facilitate these circles put a lot of time and effort into the job. Unfortunately, we don't -- can't -- support our clergy so that liturgy is their only job. If you don't enjoy the circle or find some part of it funny or offensive, try to keep it to yourself until after the circle. Some facilitators invite feedback then. If they don't, remember the old adage, "If you can't say something nice..." and forego further visits to that group.

Afterwards... Offer to help clean up. Be aware of people's post-ritual moods. Many folks like to party after experiencing the energies of ritual. Others prefer to sit alone and reflect on the whole thing. Be aware of who is who. Finally, leave at a reasonable hour (especially if you're at a private home).

CHILDREN

This is a touchy subject. It is my experience that anyone who calls for discipline in children is labeled a grumpy child-hater. Whether or not it is true of certain individuals is beside the point. Children at Pagan get-togethers, like children anywhere, need guidelines. Limits must be drawn. Though children are welcome at most open circles, it should be remembered that these rituals are primarily for the adults. A circle is not a place to baby sit. Children should be taught to respect the sacred space and the people who share it with them, if they are old enough. Babies usually sleep through it all. Toddlers should probably be kept out of circles.

Children should remain with their parents at all times... They should stand beside their parents in the circle and be under their care outside of circle. Even if the parents at a function decide to co-op the baby sitting, the parent must still be ultimately responsible for their child. If your child gets noisy or rambunctious during the circle, take them out. It is up to the parent to see that their child doesn't disrupt the ritual.

Don't' touch... This applies to the kids, also. Keep them away from the altar and the items on it. This is for their safety besides the tool's. Athames are sharp, censors are hot!

Use your good sense... Chances are, if you don't think your child is capable of standing still for the length of a ritual, you are right. Better to have one parent sit it out with the child.

FESTIVALS

These are usually held at a public park or campground, in the case of big festivals or at a private retreat for more intimate gatherings. The guidelines remain pretty much the same. Festivals are large gatherings of eclectic people. As such, you may find that you run into varied situations. Registration booklets cover most of these but here are some that have been suggested.

Do your volunteer time!!! This is the number one complaint of any festival. Many people have no sense of responsibility to their fellow festival-goers. These rats make it difficult on the staff and the rest of the attendees. Most festivals only ask for a couple of hours of your time. Not much, really. It is important that everyone do what is asked of them. It can even be fun.

Always follow all of the rules... Since most festivals are held at public places, the public rules apply to everyone. The parks have very strict rules regarding drugs and firearms. Follow these! If you don't, you could ruin it for everyone. The festival could be closed down and never allowed at a State Park again. Keep that in mind when you read the park rules and ask yourself if it's really worth it.

Observe quiet time... Most festivals have a quiet time (usually at 10:00 PM). Some people actually sleep at festivals, so it is courteous of us to let them. Make an effort to keep quiet, especially going in and out of cabins or barracks. Some barracks, in particular, have loud doors. Every year people are asked to close them quietly and every year they don't. Try to be someone who respects other's sleeping times.

Be on time to rituals, circle and workshops... Mealtimes will be their own punishment you if you're late, but other events deserve your punctuality. It is disrupting to have tardy attendees show up at a circle or workshop already in progress. The facilitators deserve your respect. Be sure to ask if you can tape a circle or workshop before you whip out your tape recorder.

Get a Staff member... If you are approached by a non-attendee in a confrontational manner, run, don't walk, to the nearest Staff person. There have been very few cases of a Festival crasher giving anyone a hard time, but it can happen. Staff members are trained to handle this occasion should it arise.

Stay and help with clean-up... At the end of every festival there is a clean-up. The whole area needs to be spic and span for inspection (yes, inspection!) by the Park Rangers. Many people, some of whom are the very ones who skip volunteer time, leave before clean-up begins. This is scandalous. As Pagans, we profess a love for the Earth and a desire to keep Her clean. That works down to the lowest level -- cleaning up after yourself. It's a good idea to clean as you go, picking up over the duration of the festival. Pagans have a reputation with the Park Departments of many states; we are known to leave a place cleaner than when we got there. It's up to each individual to keep this reputation.

Talk to new people... Okay, this isn't a rule, per se, but it's a suggestion. Festivals are great places to meet like-minded Pagans. Don't let the opportunity pass you by.